Now, I'm aware that we can't live under the premise that nothing lasts therefore it may as well end now. That's ridiculous, I know that. I almost think knowing that makes me appreciate what I've got even more while I have it. I want to "touch" and explore things and people, some way more than others. It's in my nature to want to know and I think that's why people take a liking to me, I listen sincerely. Don't be fooled, that's a bit of trickery, I'll make you like me before you can hate me and all the true things I say and all the blunt ways in which I say them. I think a few people can attest to that, and I apologize that I make you love to hate me.
Anyway, I've learned some hard lessons this year. The only consolation being that they were all conscious decisions made by me and I stand by them 100%, right or wrong, good or bad, doesn't even matter. Nothing changes labeling it as such, everything still is what it is. We have three choices in every situation, accept it, deny it or ignore it. I've done the other two throughout my life, I already know how it turns out. Haha, if you figure out how to make denial and avoidance work let me know, I'll make a post of it.
I've seen other people do that as a way to separate thoughts I guess, I'ma give it whirl. I think I like it, often times I think my cascading, endless lines can be confusing, like sometimes it might be hard to follow. And I know that using "like" is like a big writing no-no, at least it seemed to be to the "teachers" of writing that I've had. It works and people understand it, so what's grammatically incorrect can be an artfully displayed essay. How vain am I to call what I do art? Ha, yea. Or to call this last year of my life a crucible, I just think it's a cool word so I used it. Sue me. I'll even help you prove your case against me, and that state of mind drives people crazy cuz it takes their power away from them. It's a shame I even have to be that way but it's a brutal world that can be beautiful, it all balances out.