Tuesday, January 28, 2014


If you had asked me at any time before now if I thought my 32nd year on this planet would be the toughest yet, I would have said no way.  Surely there were other years whose tests were just as difficult if not worse, other years which were literally tougher just to survive.  It's unfortunate that the year I'd make my greatest discovery is the same year I'd have to face the reality that all we ever really are is alone.  We come in this bitch kickin and screaming and hopefully go out quietly but only the soul that's traveling can take that road, alone.  People come and go in life and some seem to know us better without even giving it any effort, and for a short but limited while we can share in our experience but eventually it will come to an end, a parting of ways.  The question is when will it happen?  And for how long will you actually have them?

Now, I'm aware that we can't live under the premise that nothing lasts therefore it may as well end now.  That's ridiculous, I know that.  I almost think knowing that makes me appreciate what I've got even more while I have it.  I want to "touch" and explore things and people, some way more than others.  It's in my nature to want to know and I think that's why people take a liking to me, I listen sincerely.  Don't be fooled, that's a bit of trickery, I'll make you like me before you can hate me and all the true things I say and all the blunt ways in which I say them.  I think a few people can attest to that, and I apologize that I make you love to hate me.

Anyway, I've learned some hard lessons this year.  The only consolation being that they were all conscious decisions made by me and I stand by them 100%, right or wrong, good or bad, doesn't even matter.  Nothing changes labeling it as such, everything still is what it is.  We have three choices in every situation, accept it, deny it or ignore it.  I've done the other two throughout my life, I already know how it turns out.  Haha, if you figure out how to make denial and avoidance work let me know, I'll make a post of it.


I've seen other people do that as a way to separate thoughts I guess, I'ma give it whirl.  I think I like it, often times I think my cascading, endless lines can be confusing, like sometimes it might be hard to follow.  And I know that using "like" is like a big writing no-no, at least it seemed to be to the "teachers" of writing that I've had.  It works and people understand it, so what's grammatically incorrect can be an artfully displayed essay.  How vain am I to call what I do art?  Ha, yea.  Or to call this last year of my life a crucible, I just think it's a cool word so I used it.  Sue me.  I'll even help you prove your case against me, and that state of mind drives people crazy cuz it takes their power away from them.  It's a shame I even have to be that way but it's a brutal world that can be beautiful, it all balances out.


  1. I guess there is something to be said for standing by your choices and owning them.

  2. also, what are all the lessons you learned. Share the wealth.