Two days earlier it was 19 degrees outside and today it hit the mid 60's, the sky opened up and just dumped massive amounts of rain. Tornadoes touched down and I would have swore nothing could match the way I been feeling inside. Emotions tumbling around clapping like thunder, the intensity been kinda shocking, lightning burns in my veins. Tears wash it all away and when it's over suddenly you get a new perspective on the way reality reigns. It goes with the territory, I swallowed the red pill a long time ago. I've been unable to put it into words, staring at this blank page for next to 13 hours, I almost don't have enough of a vocabulary to describe what I'm saying. Sometimes I hear what I'm saying and what I'm saying starts to sound a little crazy, but I hold onto that, it's a pinch so I know I'm still kickin. On the way in to work this morning I saw this huge tumbleweed rolling along, and I made notice to the guy walking next to me. "Hey, look, it's a fuckin tumbleweed." I blurted out. I caught myself laughing at my unexpected excitement at seeing a big ball of weeds. It can serve as a good metaphor, sometimes I feel lonely, like I'm roaming a dry desert floor. Please don't resent my efforts to maintain some level of sanity, like I'm holding it all together with sticks and glue, the shit really isn't working out. Sometimes I'm just a mess, cigarette stained fingers, and coffee drips on my t-shirt, a weed burning introvert lurks beneath the surface. Absent mindedly I run my fingers through my messy hair, as if trying to pull thoughts from my head. And when finally I've stopped trying, it all just comes to me and the words and the paper just sort themselves out. And, by the way, I wrote this first by hand, it felt so God damn freeing, pen and pad. Try it some time soon.