Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Impeccable Defects

My coffee sloshed around my cup as I stumbled out the door this morning, and again when I sat in the car, burning my hand, because I'm careful with almost nothing I do yet I've found that I handle some things rather gracefully.  Perfectly adding words around the spaces to decorate blank pages with a symphony while smoking a cigarette, it's just what I do.  When I was younger I wondered with the same amazement that I do now, the only difference being that I have the words now to let it out.  I have a voice for the child that I never was, and a voice for the man that I am to become, and I wonder how other people see me.  Everybody catches pieces and only one has the whole, I'm truly vulnerable and it's interesting because I've never really been before.  I always keep myself guarded against people and ghosts, one I don't really want to find out about and the other will sap your soul.  Perhaps it's because I'm sensitive that I feel things like I do, winter has come quick and the cold always makes me feel kind of alone.  I feel better when the Sun's at play and my surroundings drown me out with the sounds of summer and the colors are embracing, I'll be waiting. I'm hoping the snow will come quickly, it's the only release from the gray days and dirty streets of the Midwest during the cold months of winter.  I feel it's abrasive touch, and it's cold breathe breathing down my neck and it makes me shiver, they get harder to prepare for.  

But I'm just being fuckin dramatic, and I can't imagine anybody would read my shit if I wrote like I talk with my haphazard use of four letter words and their various forms.  I'm a vulgar poet and I wouldn't change that shit if I could.  

Now I can exhale...

Just needed to get that out.


  1. I, myself, am also in the Midwest. I'm not feeling the cold and very little snow. It's great to get an update from you.

  2. "to decorate blank pages with a symphony." those words, they're just strung together so gorgeously. I really, really like that.

    you know when you write something that has been cumbersome, it does feel awfully like a wicked sigh of relief. I'll bet you sleep well tonight. :)

  3. You do have a way with words :)

    It always good when we can write it down and get it out somewhere... then breathe...

  4. I'm another Midwesterner and there's something about the winters here. They aren't overly harsh, almost indifferent to you. The cold comes and goes and you watch it, waiting anxiously for summer like someone with a fear of the dark waits for dawn.
    Love the writing. Be vulgar. :) It's good.

  5. I love your vulgarity! Sometimes I have my moments. I can relate to energy sapping, being sensitive, catching pieces, getting it out, and having a voice. I never really had a voice until I started writing. I was a quiet child, an observer; still am quiet and reserved, except at work and people that I'm close with.

    I cannot relate to the cold of the Midwest....but I can through your writing. It actually sounds beautiful and biting--like it can really wake you up. Stay warm...
    : )