Sunday, June 1, 2014

Rabble-rousing


It's Sunday, just before dusk, I don't have much in mind to write about but something tells me I must.  Magnificent hues does the sky hold, I'm high, with hopes of leaving some kind of legacy.  Yesterday a man told me that I saved his life, I humbly accepted his thanks, but I don't like being in the spotlight. "Sixteen years ago today," he told me, "you saved my life."  I didn't know what to say, I was kind of embarrassed because it was a party and he said it quite loudly. When I think about it, I didn't save his life, I just made him see that he didn't actually want to take it.  He was in a bad state from drugs, my best friends father, though we weren't really friends then, I just talked him away from a trigger.  But until he mentioned it I had never thought about it, and I'm forever connected to this man on a deeper level because of it, life does some funny things.

I call those defining moment's.

And it makes me think of the summer air, my teenage years, when I learned that books were the gateway to understanding.  I was careless back then, mad at the world for being alive, and a heavy a chip on my shoulder.  School had pretty much thrown my ass out, I was on my own. If only I was as wise as I thought I was, people talked to me, but I had all the answers. And I suppose that's more or less normal, learning things the way teenagers do. I was at a disadvantage, however, I had never had much guidance. I was a latchkey kid. 

And speaking of that, I recently had conversation over coffee with my oldest friend. We were latchkey kids together. But we were laughing at how neither one of us is likely to ever let our kids go unsupervised like we had for so many years. I think of all the stupid shit we did, and of all the opportunities we had to kill ourselves doing something stupid. I now know better. It doesn't take but a few seconds for a 10 year old boy to think of something that will most certainly land him in trouble or hurt. Or, like me, I was always the one to convince another to do whatever stupid thing we were doing so I could find out what happens without getting hurt.   Not a foolproof theory, but I made it out of childhood with all my fingers and toes. 

I'm just happily rambling right now.  Daylight is struggling to keep the moon at bay, I could get infinitely lost among the starscape.  The vastness of it all, at times I can feel how loud it is, I know that doesn't make sense.  

I probably say a lot of things that don't make sense. But it's cool. 






20 comments:

  1. This reads like your stream of thoughts, they seem nostalgic and peaceful. It is funny at times to think of the things we did as kids and managed not to get hurt! I wonder sometimes, if years from now, we will look back on our adult life and think the same. "How did I manage to live through that? But I did, and here I am now."

    Now I'm just rambling too.

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    1. Ramble on, it's good for the soul.

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  2. I remember what it was like to be a latch key child.... pretty sure my youngest won't find out... since I remember too well... ;-)

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    1. I don't intend to let my kids follow my footsteps....not those ones anyway. Haha

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  3. rabble-rouser, i like that. i had to google it along with 'latch-key kid'. so now i am enlightened. it's amusing to imagine a little hellion, Ryan, running around causing a raucous, getting his hands into anything he could. it makes for good stories, and you always have them... and it seems to me you have turned out pretty okay.

    i thoroughly enjoy reading your inner monologues... it makes sense.

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    1. I was called a hoodlum once when I was 11, that old crabby motherfucker.

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  4. I like cool things that don't make sense because they always do.

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  5. your stream of consciousness posts have such a quality. do a memoir. I would love to read. and this reinforced my naive and childish belief in the idea that everything is not simply juts happening by chance...

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    1. Sometimes naive and childish ideas are what we all need. And it's good to hear when people say they enjoy reading. So, thanks for that.

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    2. I said it ;)
      and
      you are more than welcome!

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  6. Enjoyed following your stream of thoughts, Ryan. Good to see you writing and sharing. Your post made me think of some crazy stuff I've done at certain points in my childhood and adolesence.

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  7. sweeeet!!!
    do you follow each other?
    let me know!
    http://defishencia.blogspot.ru/

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  8. I loved reading this, writing about childhood is like an endless well to draw from. Me and my friend were talking about how kids just have this certain instinct that we sort of lose when we grow older - or we learn to manipulate it with logic and all sorts of things that come from education etc etc. But there's something innate in children and this sense of adventure and wanting to explore which is so beautiful. It makes me sad that so many people lose it. I'm with Lilly - write a memoir!

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  9. I think its good to not make sense at times.

    The thing you did, back in the past, sets a very good example, I believe especially for yourself.

    I believe, whatever we do for others, is something we actually do for ourselves only, it just looks like we did it for others, when we change ourself completely in doing them.

    just a thought.

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  10. I read your blog and will continue to do so - if you ever post again that is ;) - your comments are meaningful and appreciated on mine and therefore you – or at least a tiny part of you – is not invisible to me. Which, btw was referring to my remark in my last blog about those brilliant minds who are hardly visible on blogger or any media of that kind. if that makes sense.

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