Wednesday, October 30, 2013

My lighter side

I'm not all deep thoughts and philosophical musings, obviously that's what you see here because it all makes for good writing.  I'm a heavy, intense person but I like to keep things light in general.  The world takes it all too seriously and that goes for me more so than anyone else.  I focus my energy on better things, I'm a joker, I like to get people to laugh, and snap them out of whatever serious shit they get lost in.  It's so much easier to get by in life getting along, and people feel comfortable talking to me.  I'd like to think it's because I'm trustworthy, and they will always get my honest opinion about everything.  I have fun wherever I'm at, it's just what I do.

Sitting in the kitchen with Gwendolyn making rhymes is one of my favorite pastimes.  She makes me smile with her blonde hair and cute little curls, she knows how to get ecstatic, and her enthusiasm for everything (save for naps) gives me a joy indescribable.  I hope for her that she never loses it, it's an attribute that more people could be imbued by.  She's on high all the time and it literally forces me to keep moving on those days I want to give in and lay down to it all, she gets into everything and can't be left alone for too long, but it keeps me grounded. 

Isaac is a 9 year old me, he gets the word play in the ways that I say things, by that I mean a lot of my witty remarks can have double meanings.  I can't bullshit him because he thinks rationally like I do and he'll call me on it even though sometimes I can see his trepidation in saying things, which only makes me proud because he does it even though he doesn't necessarily want to.  He doesn't bite his tongue around me, but I can see when he talks to others he pulls his punches, he gets the difference between people that want the truth and pretty much everyone else.  That is to say, his filter is better than mine, haha.  He's smart as hell too, and he loves science which is something I wished I could have explored more when I was younger.  Oh, and he beats my ass in chess.  We played exactly 5 games before our first stalemate and I have yet to put him in check since.  I was never very good anyway, but c'mon, he's 9!  It's all good, I love that shit.

After every storm the sun always eventually comes back and I utilize that same principle in life.  A Sun rising before my eyes ALWAYS makes me feel that everything is ok.  Endless beginnings whenever we choose to see it that way.  Recently I've seemed a little darker than usual and that's because I was feeling pretty shitty, but I write about it so I can see it in black and white right on front of me.  I let my anger, frustrations, joys and aspirations out so that I can see them and feel them and get through them.  If I write something angry and irrational I'm perfectly well aware of it and why.  The why is because it's my release.  I get mad and fuel it with profound words and witty sarcasm but it's ok because it's harmless and it isn't directed at anyone.  And then, usually sooner than later, I let it go.  I've been through the process many times and it seems to work for me.  Diligence is key in staying on top on of my natural feelings of melancholy.  I'm a misanthrope by nature due to the way I was raised but I can I see past these things which is just my old way of thinking trying to creep back.  I remove myself, and step back, so I can look at even me objectively, make better choices next time and just get on with life.  I always get by one way or another.

9 comments:

  1. I envy the way you look at life. If only I could give half the energy you do, I think I'd be ok. Thank you for your kind comment on my blog, that was sweet. Keep writing all your feelings, it's pretty freakin awesome.
    Katie

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  2. The way your kids bring you happiness makes me smile, too. That's not always a given for parents, you know.

    xx
    LuLu
    Breakfast After 10

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  3. Your children sound adorable ;-)

    I use my blog to work through feelings, recently someone close read it and took it that I was obsessed. I'm not... I just need to say how I feel ... then I let it all go. I can see where they could think this of me but that is just how I write... I write my feelings and then I gain perspective and move forward. This is why I have not been able to sleep... if only they could see my true intentions and not exactly what they read :-/

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  5. I love Jokers and I love to laugh. Luckily my significant other is a joker and he snaps me out of my sometimes serious moments. You have a great attitude about life…we must have fun in life…it’s just too damn short.

    It’s always nice to read about Gwendolyn and your boy. She sounds like a real joy that keeps you on your toes.

    I always feel better when I write too.

    When I first read your blog, I wanted to comment, but was feeling shy and didn’t leave a comment. Those moments crop up in general with other blogs too. Can you imagine…feeling shy on the page even!? Geesh! Anyway, I got over it. : )

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    1. No, I can't imagine being that shy, but it's all good. It's also a good thing you got over it, you have good things to say. Thanks for reading

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  6. Nicely observed and well written

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  7. Nothing really matters as long as you can let it go. I'm a misanthrope too and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com


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    1. That made me laugh, but yea, I wouldn't have it any other way either. Peace, sister. :)

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