Sitting in the kitchen with Gwendolyn making rhymes is one of my favorite pastimes. She makes me smile with her blonde hair and cute little curls, she knows how to get ecstatic, and her enthusiasm for everything (save for naps) gives me a joy indescribable. I hope for her that she never loses it, it's an attribute that more people could be imbued by. She's on high all the time and it literally forces me to keep moving on those days I want to give in and lay down to it all, she gets into everything and can't be left alone for too long, but it keeps me grounded.
Isaac is a 9 year old me, he gets the word play in the ways that I say things, by that I mean a lot of my witty remarks can have double meanings. I can't bullshit him because he thinks rationally like I do and he'll call me on it even though sometimes I can see his trepidation in saying things, which only makes me proud because he does it even though he doesn't necessarily want to. He doesn't bite his tongue around me, but I can see when he talks to others he pulls his punches, he gets the difference between people that want the truth and pretty much everyone else. That is to say, his filter is better than mine, haha. He's smart as hell too, and he loves science which is something I wished I could have explored more when I was younger. Oh, and he beats my ass in chess. We played exactly 5 games before our first stalemate and I have yet to put him in check since. I was never very good anyway, but c'mon, he's 9! It's all good, I love that shit.
After every storm the sun always eventually comes back and I utilize that same principle in life. A Sun rising before my eyes ALWAYS makes me feel that everything is ok. Endless beginnings whenever we choose to see it that way. Recently I've seemed a little darker than usual and that's because I was feeling pretty shitty, but I write about it so I can see it in black and white right on front of me. I let my anger, frustrations, joys and aspirations out so that I can see them and feel them and get through them. If I write something angry and irrational I'm perfectly well aware of it and why. The why is because it's my release. I get mad and fuel it with profound words and witty sarcasm but it's ok because it's harmless and it isn't directed at anyone. And then, usually sooner than later, I let it go. I've been through the process many times and it seems to work for me. Diligence is key in staying on top on of my natural feelings of melancholy. I'm a misanthrope by nature due to the way I was raised but I can I see past these things which is just my old way of thinking trying to creep back. I remove myself, and step back, so I can look at even me objectively, make better choices next time and just get on with life. I always get by one way or another.