Saturday, January 12, 2013

They Come And Go

Today I hear that my mothers father died.  I guess you could say my grandfather, but this is a man that I've only seen once in my lifetime, and I think I was somewhere around the age of 6.  You know, I don't know anything about him.  I'm not mad at him for not being around because I don't really know why he wasn't.  All I know is that he wasn't around for my mother either and that's what makes me mad.  How does a man not take care of his children?  I don't think I'll ever be able to understand that one, no matter how it's explained.  All I know is that the man lived, a long time I might add, and he died.  Don't know what he did in between.

The very same day I find out about this I am to go with my wife and kids to her uncles house.  You see, this family, for whatever reason, went like 20 years without speaking to or seeing one another.  I don't understand how this happens when these are the people you grew up with.  Either way, I do have to say the I respect them all for actually trying to become closer by getting together like this.  We did this once before, two years ago.  You know, I don't know if it'll ever be a more frequent thing or not, but I give them credit for trying.  It's uncomfortable and you can feel it in the air, and for all of these people to stand fast and deal with it is a pretty cool thing.  Whatever their differences are they've been able to let go of them long enough for their kids, in their 20's and 30's, to get to know each other.  And you know, I hope for their sake that they never have to bring up those differences so that they can work it out.

I come from a family that's pretty much dysfunctional.  My moms side is pretty much non existent, and I'm relatively close to those on my dads side.  I've been fortunate enough to have at least a few stable people around me.  You take the people on my moms side and put them together there's probably going to be a fight or some huge verbal blow out...happens every time.  Those people, for whatever reason, will never be able to have any kind of working relationship.  It's just not going to happen.  And it's all good, people do what they do.

As for myself, I get in where I fit least I try.  It wasn't all that long ago that my wife's parents didn't even really want me around much less have me as any part of their family.  I have to admit though, that they have come around quite a bit.  I do feel welcomed there now and it does feel good.  I'm not used to that. Even when I'm with the family that I am close to I never really feel comfortable, or at ease.  It's always as if there is some sort of unfulfilled expectation from them.  I just don't fit in.  My wife's family, on the other hand has no expectations of me and I can just be. So I do appreciate it.  It's not as if any of them will actually read any of this, but it's out there.  

Here's life on another day, doing what it always does if I choose to look at it.  Is it coincidence that one truly unknown family member dies and another family is brought together?  I actually think it is, but it's a nice coincidence.  It lets you know that every usually does come full circle in one way or another.  That's just how life works, it just doesn't always explain itself so quickly.  I don't know how other people would have looked at the whole situation.  Maybe none of it is any big deal.  Maybe not a big deal to anyone but me.  All I know is that I can only see things through my eyes and my only goal is to express that to anybody that will listen.  

So, who's listening?

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