Sunday, September 15, 2013

A few thoughts

By nature I am not a happy person, I can be mean and sometimes brutal.  I've learned to control it but once in a while it shows its ugly face, a rage that dwells deeply even though its settled just underneath the surface.  These aren't negative feelings about myself,  it's the truth about who I am.  I don't hide it,  in fact it's pretty well known,  I've had to apologize to almost everyone I know at some point in time or another.   There is no excusing it so I don't make excuses but I have to look at why I'm doing it.   Usually something is bothering me and that can only mean one thing,  change is coming.   Ideas have rooted themselves in my mind and it's almost like part of me is fighting it,  trying to take over by causing a commotion....growing pains,  me versus my alter ego.  (not so much it just sounded good)   I've drawn a line in the sand and crossed over it,  there's no turning back,  just go with it.
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10 comments:

  1. The Purple Assassin.September 16, 2013 at 4:20 AM

    I've been that person for longer than I should've.
    To tell you the truth, its important to be the one, and then, if you prefer you can change that.
    I did. Both ways, you're gonna be loving yourself for who you are.

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    Replies
    1. RyanSeptember 17, 2013 at 8:43 AM

      It's a good feeling to know we can re-create ourselves any time we want.

      Delete
  2. EveSeptember 16, 2013 at 9:08 AM

    I often feel the same when change is coming. It's like your fibers are revolting, even if it's a good thing change is coming. Let it happen. Keep an open mind. :)

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    Replies
    1. RyanSeptember 17, 2013 at 8:48 AM

      Open mind, for sure. It's kinda funny but I always picture the exorcist when I think about change, sometimes those changes activate the devil within and it's like dealing with a demonic being lashing out in anyway possible trying to hold on.

      Delete
  3. the weight of a letterSeptember 16, 2013 at 9:58 AM

    I find that I get angry when there is a lack of change in my life. I look forward to change, and I always hope that the change is for the best.

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  4. RebbSeptember 16, 2013 at 11:41 PM

    Reading this made my mind go in a bunch of directions...thinking of my mom, my own angry moments, curious to know more about your nature. I tend to get angry when I don't feel in control of certain situations. It feels good when I can step back, take responsibility for my part, then push on. Not always easy.

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    1. RyanSeptember 17, 2013 at 9:51 AM

      More about my nature, huh? I'm mostly quiet, but I can get loud. In general I'm nice but I can get mean. I never like being the center of attention, but I have dreams of one day having my work being well known. I'm a walking paradox.

      Delete
  5. Optimistic ExistentialistSeptember 18, 2013 at 7:31 AM

    At least you're cognizant enough to recognize it and that's half the battle. It allows you to have some semblance of control over it and that's a good thing.

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  6. AVYSeptember 18, 2013 at 2:57 PM

    I'm not a happy person either but I hate taking it out on others. They don't care anyway, so why show them? I'm not trying to change anymore, this is who I will always be.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

    ♥

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