Times change, just as time changes all things. Right when you think you've got it figured out, the script flips. I can hear a clock ticking in this silent space I'm in, resting my brain from the day. It's rather calming as my heart rhythm catches up to the hands of time. I haven't yet had my afternoon cup of coffee, it's brewing as the aromas fill the gap between thoughts. The quiet will break soon when the beautiful Gwendolyn gets home, I'm preparing myself. All that energy, the kid loves to clown around. It's her nature. Explaining to her that it's ok to goof as long as we don't get carried away is difficult. I think she understands the calm, serious voice more than she knows what I'm saying. She abides oh so temporarily, but it brings a joy even I can't describe. Isaac and I just had a talk about staying positive but I know he only listened intently because he wanted his game privileges back. It's ok, I understand, and I'll keep telling him so that maybe one day it will sink in when he most needs it. It's all rather perfect. I don't know what more I could ask for in a couple of children. Absolutely nothing, I'm lucky.
I paused to take a shower and let the thought parade creep in, to see what rises to the surface. A friend said the other day that I've found my voice in writing, and she's absolutely right. I see a direction in which to go in, and show Him what I'm supposed to do. I have a quote of his I found scribbled in one of my notebooks, it stays in my pocket as a reminder. I'll be more.
I'm growing a little impatient waiting for spring, the cold is really testing me. I want to walk in the green grass and listen to the wind rustle the leaves on the trees. Early spring mornings have a plus side to them, the birds singing to the sun as it rises. When I walk outside those days, and I'm all alone, I feel I'm where I ought to be at that moment. I dreamt of spring last night as if it were saying it's on its way. And I believe.
I think that coffee is ready.