Doubt creeps in as I circle the parking lot looking for a spot, in the rain. I asked the barista what the coffee of the day was and come to find out it's the same every day. "Why have a coffee of the day?" I thought. No matter, I'm drinking it black anyway. I think she was kind of amused by my questioning. Another, older woman, asked me how I was doing like we were old friends...perhaps we are. To which I replied, with a smile, "I'm getting by. Looking for a new treasure." She chuckled a little bit but I could see in her eyes she felt the same way about books. Forget gold, money or jewels, if I'm being buried with something to take to the next life I want books. I carried on looking.
I didn't find anything that really piqued my interest enough to take with me. I did pick up and read through a book of poetry that I was diggin'. I made my way over to the philosophy section and reached for a copy of Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance. I've had this on my list for a long time, I really want to read it. I thumbed through it and put it back, not in it's original place. And I didn't have to hear someone behind me bitch because of where I put it. It was a counter to the doubt the crept in earlier.
There is actually a reason behind why I move books, believe it or not. 75% of the books I have ever bought weren't even in the right section let alone in its alphabetical home. I don't think I ever come to a bookstore looking for something specific. I wander around until I find something, often out of place. I'm out of place, its how I am so it makes harmonious sense to me. The books that I move are usually something I've read, wanting to share it with the next unknowing , wandering soul.
So I sit without a book, writing...on a phone. Which does sound silly but it works. Wondering why I haven't ventured into a book in a long while I started thinking. How might I keep reading the work of others when I have this book, my poetry, inside of me? Not that it's impossible to balance, but I don't want to spend my time reading, I want to spend it writing. I am so grateful I've got this to help me through tough times. Putting it all out there in black and white makes me really see what's going on inside. It's easier to sort out. And I get to share here, with those few of you reading. It's a beautiful thing, really.