Sunday, March 31, 2013

Damn... life.

Life has been on a crazy train wreck of a course here lately.  I spend more time keeping myself staight at the moment some other things had to go to the back burner for a minute.  I've been writing, using an awesome amount of energy.  Its been fantastic.  I just haven't been doing it here.  It's all good, I've been doing what I've got to do.

I've got this shaking of my leg that started since i been off the vicodin, and it won't go away.  I'm not feeling nervous or anxietous at all, i just catch myself shaking it.  I never did that before, i was a pretty steady dude.  It's there now, for who knows how long, as a reminder.  My  already shaky marriage is more unstable than before, the house of cards is crumbling.  I've fully accepted where it's going and am proceeding with what I've got to do.  Its only been a couple weeks but things are getting worse, not better.  Those conditions aren't healthy for anyonw, so i have to remove myself from the situation.  I love my wife but I've fallen out of love, i am afraid.  We've been together a long time and this isn't easy.  I just have absolutely no desire in me to work things out, i can't change it if i want to.  I have some grieving to do myself even though people don't get it.

It's all good.  Life is a trip sometimes.  I've got awesome kids whose time i cherish, really.  That won't ever change.  They are basically my main concern, and when we're together just me and them, it's all good.  That's what i want.    I've had some wild twists and turns here laty, and while its been painful, its been enjoyable.  People have noticed a difference in me.  I've noticed the difference.  I wonder what's next.


  1. i shake my leg too, even when im perfectly content. have faith in what lies ahead for you. i think you are destined for incredible things. :)

  2. You're going through a lot man - all at once. That's why it's good that you began blogging at this's a good release and we are all here to listen. I think you have good things ahead man.

  3. I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult for you right now. Have you considered spending some time apart (say a week or a month). Maybe if you spend time apart, doing separate things, you and your wife will have the chance to miss each other and reconnect?
    I wouldn't give up, even if you feel you are "not in love" with her I'm sure you do care a great deal about her and so does she for you. It's one thing to love each other, and it's a lot of work to keep the passion alive.