For every step I take forward it feels like I take 3 back. I'll never get anywhere I like that. I let my wife talk me into joining her in therapy and I just really ain't feeling it. But I told her that so it's at least out in the open. I see it like this, I'm going to continue doing what I've got to do for myself and give her what she needs. I suppose if nothing else comes of it at least maybe she'll be able to accept what's going on. I'm not a straight cold hearted asshole, I do have feelings. And my consideration for other peoples feelings has always gotten me into trouble. But it's all good, I wouldn't take any of it back.
Since I've had a few days and some time to cool down a bit I'm guessing it won't hurt to give it one more shot. I don't think I have anything to lose by going to therapy, again. The only thing I can do is be honest about where I'm at and I plan to do so. I don't really know what to expect, I'm just rolling with it right now. At this point I still need my space and time to do what I gotta do. My intentions are still to find out what's inside of me despite where I'm at and what's going on. I still have some hesitation about whether it not she'll ever get me. It's kinda like the fact that all this drama needed to unfold in order for her to become willing to let me do what I gotta do and her accept it makes it seem forced. I don't want to force her to like anything about me. If it's not there it's not there. And right here is where I'm at.