Sunday, February 10, 2013

A Moment Of Clarity

A bit of cabin fever, my mind fixates on an image of an early spring morning, quiet and warm.  Everything my eyes can see is surrounded in green.  The life returns to trees, plants and grass, reinvigorating my own sense of what it means to be alive.  It's refreshing and much needed after the long, gray months of winter.  The inside of my head begins to resemble the drab outside world about this time every year.  Although i have grown used to it, it doesn't mean that i necessarily like it.  February 12th, 2013 and i have reached this state of suspension, waiting lazily for the world to turn.  And February 13th I'm going to change direction and head toward my destiny whether nature approves or not.

Tomorrow will mark a milestone and i want to record it here so i have no way of backing out.  Most often my fear isn't that i can't do something, it's that I'll give up before my goal ever reaches fruition.  The voice of doubt slowly begins to work its way into my thought processes, telling me that my idea is absurd.  And while it very well may be, i hit delete and write my own script.  My intention is to "officially" begin training.  I don't have, as of yet, anything to gauge my capabilities and i have to start somewhere.  A long distance walk is in order and i plan to go 10 miles.  Whether or not i can remains to be seen.  I do believe i least that's what I'm telling myself.

Coaxing my brain into cooperation is nothing new to me, its a tool I've employed from time to time.  I quit smoking 4 years ago and it took every bit of self awareness i could muster.  The addiction told me i couldn't quit and i had to catch that thief in the night as he slipped in the back door.  Over time it became easier to ignore.  Telling yourself  "mind over matter" is one thing, living it is another altogether.  And when you're only held accountable to yourself it can sometimes be quite tempting to give in.  Cliches are cliche for a reason, and i intend to exploit the hell out of them even though every time i hear one it makes me cringe a little.  One foot in front of the other, I'll push myself to the limit and back...I'm going to make that 10 miles.  Maybe 11 just to laugh in the face of the doubt that would have me lie down.

The daydreamer in me that has explored many wishful thoughts extends a lesson to the side of me that needs to act.  In finding a ground on which these two can co-exist lies the key to making any dream come true.  The meeting of the daydreamer and the actor playing out the script I've written into the future.  Add-libbing to get by, making last minute changes, so that i can flow along as seamlessly as possible.  Walking west the sun shall push me forward, driving me toward my destination.  After all, it's only fitting that the story should end with a sunset.  And I'll keep that in mind as i move into the first phase of my next adventure.  It'll take the composure of a composer orchestrating a symphony in front of a great audience to pull all of this together, and i look forward to the challenge.  A fog has lifted from my head that i cannot, or at least will not at this time, speak of, allowing for the first time in a long time the makings of a dream come true. 

Move forward with me and find a dream of your own, be it new or long lost, realize it at once.  Tame your inspiration and put it to work as your driving force in some fairytale of tomorrow, and don't give up.    You can do anything if only you put your mind to it, or so I've been told.  For today it's a truth I'll have to put some faith in, and i hope you'll continue to join me on this journey through my wandering mind.

I thank you.


  1. You can do this. I don't see why you can't. You have a lot of self motivation and determination. Don't doubt yourself for a single second. You got this, Ryan! Do it up!

  2. Dreams are meant to be pursued my your dreams like there's no tomorrow...

  3. You remind me of someone I know quite well.

    Breakfast After 10

  4. Dreams are part of what makes life magical. I applaud your efforts. And as we pursue our dreams, it's important to remain gentle with ourselves as we encounter bumps along the way. Just allowing ourselves to dream is something special.

  5. good stuff <3 i'll be out there.... mmMmmm sun..

  6. your words are so deeply beautiful. taking those first daunting steps, in any sense, engulfs me with the sense of wistful yearning and eagerness to begin my journey. right now, its the beginning stages of buying a home. its scary yet thrilling all wrapped up together in a beatiful little package :) i wish you all the best in your voyage, friend.