Walking a bike path that meanders through 4 towns i took my first 20,000 steps (11 miles) in what will prove to be a long journey. It was cold and gray, and the wind was blowing pretty good. I decided this morning i was going to walk the bike trail just to give me some fairly level ground to walk on for this first outing. I was more concerned with seeing how far i could walk more than anything. What proved to be the biggest challenge, however, was not physical in nature. I had to push myself from beginning to end today. I kind of let my guard down and thought it would be easy. It was a humbling experience, in my eyes.
Before i ever took my first step my mind was trying to tell me how ridiculous this all was, that i can't do it. I had to force myself to get out and take that step. And once i did, it felt great. I know the scenario well, the mind likes to run through all that bullshit I've been told all my life. And although i know what's real and what isn't, it's sometimes difficult to catch it and stop it. I quickly noticed a vulnerability that I'm not used to, but I kept walking. There were all these emotions welling up inside of me and i knew that if this is going to happen i needed to let go of everything. Out there walking, alone, i am vulnerable...accept it and move on. I do have some doubt, but it's all crap....accept it and move forward. Let it all be what it is, feel it, and do what i have to do anyway.
I can say that time passes rather slowly when you're walking a long distance like that. You think its been an hour and in reality its only been 20 minutes. Coming up with a way to keep the mind occupied is going to be very important. I can tell already that my "training" is going to have to take place somewhere else, at least in these winter months. There wasn't very much to look at and i only came across a couple other people who didn't seem very cordial. Wondering for a moment what was going on in their heads, i put my head down and kept walking. For some reason, when I'm walking, putting my head down deepens my thought process. Almost as if watching my feet pound the pavement is hypnotizing and brings out thoughts from the subconscious mind. I'll lose myself almost completely in my thoughts and become present once again in my quiet surroundings. There's no telling how far i can walk once I'm able to stay in that place of thought for longer periods. Perhaps that is the key.
Letting go of old ideas can be hard at first. They creep in when least expected, but I've got the will to carry on in spite of myself. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other.