Monday, February 4, 2013

Roaming Alley's

I've always been told that you'll be whatever it is that you surround yourself with.  Yes, I've been given a lot of speeches like this over my lifetime.  I am a bit of a heathen, after all.  I'm finding this to be true at this point in my lifetime more so than any other.  It just dawned on me, an "ah ha" moment, that I absolutely have begun to turn into the things that I'm doing whether I like it or not.  And I've noticed this because of the extreme difference in the way that I am now from only 5 years ago.  Its been a bit of a struggle at times, I must admit.  I'm only human and these things happen.  It's not easy not to fall into the mindset of all the people that you're in contact with day in and day out.  Some of these people you spend more time with than family.  I don't want to stray too far off topic because it's not really about the ways in which I've changed, only the reasons why.  It's rather simple, really.  Turn your life upside down, do a complete 180 and life goes on.  Ok, maybe it't not that simple, but the idea of it is.  Acting it out isn't all that easy, it takes time.

I can see change taking place as I write this.  A few ideas that have been swirling around in this head of mine have finally grabbed hold and have rooted themselves.  Now I know what I am capable of once something like this has taken place, and I have to admit that it excites me a little.  When I was 18 years old I joined the Army.  Let me tell you what a struggle it was to adapt.  I mean, I was a kid smoking dope and roaming the alleys and now all of a sudden I have to stand up straight and focus.  I did.  It was tough at first but the idea had set in that I was going to do it because I needed a change.  I put one foot in front of the other and made it through.  At the time I didn't really have enough self-awareness to know what was going on, but I do know that's where it originated.

This is how life has always progressed for me.  Long moments of thinking and working things out in my head followed by an explosion of change.  It's not intentional, it just happens that way.  And for the first time I am able to sort of sit back and watch it all unfold, and share it here with you. I am grateful that I am once again finding the words I need in order to do that.  They disappeared on me for a long time and now it's all just flowing out. If I change what I'm doing the things I'm doing are going to change.

 Good things are on the horizon and I'm down for the challenge.


  1. I like this. It shows that you have a good self-awareness and that you're always looking forward...

  2. Ryan, This was uplifting to read. It's a good feeling when we can step back from ourselves and see the small and big changes we've made and the road ahead yet to be explored.